Whiney Post

Uhhh, where did November go? 

I was basically sick the whole month. Between my first migraine, the thousand headaches that followed, ER visits, doctor dealings, a claustrophobic MRI, and trying not to think that I have a serious illness (I don't)...this month would have been exhausting even if it hadn't had a birthday, thanksgiving, and all the family and celebrating that comes with the season. Don't get me wrong, I loved my birthday and I loved having everyone over for thanksgiving, but having to peace out and take naps every day to get over a headache kind of sucked.

And so far, December hasn't really looked too relaxing either. We were out of town yesterday and are trying to plan a trip to see the newest family member (I must see bebe) before Christmas. And then theres Christmas! Oy vey, y'all. 

I could seriously go on and on, but basically I'm just feeling really drained and unable to fully appreciate my favorite time of the year. I miss my family so much, I feel like a terribly absent friend,  Rowan keeps us up most of the night, our house is a mess (which really stresses me out), work is really exhausting, and I draw a complete blank when I think about what I'm going to do once my nanny gig is up in the summer. 

I was sharing all this with Miles last night on top of feeling like I'm really struggling with living in the present, without becoming complacent. Even as I type all of this I feel so scatterbrained and overwhelmed. How do I shut my planner mind up?

I really wish we were going to my parents for Christmas this year, why does flying to Hawaii for Christmas (or ever) have to be so expensive! We're really hoping to make it happen next Christmas, we should've started saving for that months ago, but I'm pretty determined to make it happen. I'm okay with a warm Christmas as long as its with my family.

Right Now:

Reading: Still too many books, I'm still beginning new books before finishing old ones. I've just recently acknowledged that book buying is my personal addiction. Right, right now I'm reading the novel Don't Breathe a Word by Jennifer McMahon. Its apparently about fairies? I'm just on chapter two, I'll let you know. I'm hoping it will be a haunting page-turner that keeps me up, shivering my spine and enthralling me, way past my bed time. Because thats what Joshilyn Jackson said it would do.

Eating: Watermelon. Why didn't I crave it during the heat of the summer? Why are they so big? Miles hasn't wanted any watermelon at all, so when I buy one I have to eat at least two giant bowls of it a day before it goes mushy. So I chop em all up like I'm Dexter.

Listening to: A lot of NPR. Sometimes I'm not so sure that thats the best way to start my day. Also, pop fitness radio at the gym. I just heard Call Me Maybe for the first time two weeks. And then had it stuck in my head for another week.

Planning: I feel like...nothing. Which makes me sad, I love planning. I feel like Miles and I have been so busy with working and house stuff, we're too tired to do anything else. This week especially, I've been falling in the bed at 9 and hitting snooze on my alarm for as long as I can.

Wearing: The one sweater I have that isn't packed up with winter clothes! Oooh fall, I can feel you coming. 

Watching: New tv pilots, and getting giddy over Parks and Rec's return tonight. Miles and I also had an unintentional mini Wes Anderson marathon this week. I want to get two dogs and name them Ari and Uzi. Mark my words. 

Loving: The cold (okay, cool) mornings this week. These past few days have been ah-mazing. I sat out on our deck the other day after work, wrapped up in my sweater, with my fairy book in hand. I think I love the change from Summer to Fall more than any other season change. I feel so optimistic and refreshed. The cool breeze makes my skin tingle and my heart flutter. I drive around with my windows down and feel like I can take on the world. I'm not sure why this is exactly...My spirit just seems to respond to the relief from summer heat, to the anticipation of bonfires and s'mores, of changing leaves and crunchy lawns, of everyday sweater and boot wearing, of haunted houses and warm apple cider, of Thanksgiving and family and then, glory be, Christmas being right around the corner. So yes, I am loving that Fall is only two official days away..and that we got a sneak peek this year.

Also, I love my Rowan kitty.

Wanting: Three day weekends with Miles every week. Labor Day weekend was just too stinkin' good. 

Confessing: I've been living in my head a lot lately. Mostly over-thinking things that I really shouldn't be thinking about, getting frustrated over things that I shouldn't be frustrated by, worrying about things that are too far off in the future or completely out of my control. While I have loved begin a nanny, I think my in-head-living tendency has really grown a lot over the past 15 months. And with 8 more months to go, I don't really know how to break that, or if I even can.

I'm not a social butterfly, I don't need, nor do I want a million people around me or in my life all the time...but I've finally come to realize that I need, and want, to have more people in my life than I do currently. But I feel like I've fallen into this weird place where I can't remember how to increase that number of people in my life, aka "make new friends", or at least be a better friend to the friends I have. Sorry friends. Sowreh.

And Its Only Monday

At 11 in the morning, no less. 

It has definitely been one of those mornings. And I feel like I've complained too much lately, when good stuff really is happening, so I won't go into details. Because its stupid stuff anyways. But oh, how that stupid stuff burrows under your skin and makes you want to curl up and go back to bed. And it also makes you teary eyed at this picture :

Source: thisis.something-else.com.au via Bethany on Pinterest

Because even though you were on vacation at the beginning of this month...you need another one. And you need it to be Fall already and not so gross outside. Because you can almost feel the cool, crisp air in your lungs and on your cheeks when you see this picture. And that makes you sad, and its just a picture! So then you feel like a loser.

Or you'd also take simply closing on the house that you've been squatting living in for the past month (living in legally, promise). Closing on said house and being able to hang pictures, or put in your washer and dryer, or installing a phone jack so you can have internet and remember to pay your bills..

Or just...other things, like not being in stressful situations that are only occurring because you don't know how to say "no" sometimes. You really need to learn.

So while you learn, I will be looking forward to this weekend, with the start of the Olympics, getting to see this movie, going to the flea market, and hopefully being done with all the house buying junk by then. Hopefully. 

Le Sigh, Will I Ever Learn?

I threw myself a pathetic pity party before I went to sleep last night. Miles did his best to cheer me up, but I was deep in it...for the smallest reasons (adding up to something a touch overwhelming). We still haven't closed. I've unpacked a little more of our stuff, but was reminded Friday that this house still isn't ours when the seller's wife came by the house and asked  bunch of weird questions about closing. We've been waiting for a month to close on this house, held up by a lot of things to do with the seller leaving the country (for a family emergency) without signing the proper documents for our closing. And on Friday, his wife basically asked me what the hold up was...

So there's that. 

And then a bunch of little silly things that I let build up in my mind, resulting in last night's tearfest.

Then, I woke up this morning feeling like a fool and my eyes still stinging from crying over...nothing, basically. Nothing that should hold any real weight in my life. Yes, we haven't really felt like we're at "home" for a couple months now, this process his dragged out longer than I could have imagined. But we're freaking buying a house. Its so amazing that we even have the opportunity to do that. And I have several other things to be thankful for about my life right this moment. I spend too much time dreaming of the future, even if its only seven days into the future, my mind is there and my heart longs for it, and then I miss out on what is right in front of  me. These things are right in front of me:

• for one year and one week, I have been married to my sweet man
• he bought me this book for our anniversary. I'm only a few stories in, and I've already cried several times 
• even though we now know I am not a top of the mountain vacation girl (whereas Miles was 100% in his element), Boo still loves me
• I trimmed by bangs last night and I don't look like a total dweeb (win!)
• even though its not "my" kitchen yet, I still lovelovelove cooking in it
• Boo got his hair cut for the first time in over a year last week, and it looks so. good.
• He also decided that he's going to cut his hair more often now. Glory halleluyer!
• my nanny baby was so happy to see me after over a week off work
• my heart nearly exploded when I saw le bebe after aforementioned work break
• Singin' in the Rain 60th anniversary showing on Thursday night (doh, thats in the future. but still)

No more pity parties, Bethany. Stop it.

On another note, I have so many photos in my camera from the past month. For the life of me, I cannot find my USB cord in any of our boxes!  I'm sure I'll end up ordering a new one, and then finding my old one immediately thereafter.

Record Screech

You know...to a halt? The music is playing and everything is fine (or overwhelming) and then the record screeches and you're like, whaa? Thats me. Probably us, I just haven't spoken to busy, working Miles yet. Our closing date was pushed back a week, the night before we were scheduled to close. As in, last night. 

Its not really anyones fault, per say. We actually originally wanted to close next week, but the seller pushed for the 12th and we didn't really mind. But lo and behold, ya can't get everything mortgagey and appraisally done in 3 weeks! I've been super stressed about packing and having moving nightmares, and sad that we don't get to spend our last week before moving in our apartment (we're dog sitting in the burbs). And now...we'll have that last week in our apartment. Our completely packed apartment. Kitchen, living room, bathroom, bedroom, tv, clothes, internet. I guess I got what I wanted? Less stress, time at the apartment, one last week in Hillsboro Village, one last week walking everywhere...But I still feel a little sense of a wompwomp growing somewhere inside. We'll figure something out. Unpack a few pots and pans, two dishes, two glasses, and maybe the wireless router. We'll have a bigger paycheck under our belts (in our bank?) next week, so I probably won't have nightmares of the movers asking for $5,000 after they've finished their job. This will be good!! It was just unexpected. And very last minute. The lastest minute possible. But this will be good. I will make it so.

And thus, my mental transformation in a paragraph's time.

 image from this amazing blog

Just Some Thoughts

As I wait for Miles to come home from work on this beautiful Saturday, I find myself needing to express some thoughts. 

Dislikes:

-When I can't find what I want in used book stores

-When shipping costs more than the books on Amazon 

-Loving a novel, devouring each page, only to get to the end and be completely disappointed by it. 

-Finishing all the past seasons of Gossip Girl on Netflix, only to realize that the current season is too far in for me to watch on Hulu. 

-Admitting how much I like Gossip Girl.

Likes:

-Open-mouthed, slobbery baby kisses

-Having so much time to read (even crappily ended YA novels)

-Young Adult novels. No shame. 

-Texting my sister about books/tv shows

-How she totally plays along with my whining/pining/exclaiming from 500 miles away

Missing:

-School? Kind of. Mostly having something that needs to be done. A task, assignment, deadline. (Because I obviously need something better to do with my time when all I have to talk about is what I'm reading and/or watching)

-Going to a coffee shop to get said task/assignment finished. 

-Chuck and Blair.

It is painfully obvious to me (and probably you) that my life is really not hard at all. And these likes and dislikes are incredibly superficial and silly...but this is my life! When I thought about what I wanted to do immediately after graduation/wedding times, I wanted to chill, to simplify, to regroup. And dang, thats definitely what I've done. My life is really basic and bare bones right now. Half of me is really ok with it, and the other half feels like a slacker. But I really do feel like I am where I'm supposed to be right now. I know I'm not going to nanny it up for the rest of my life. I think the half that feels like a slacker is the half that still tries to do what I feel is expected of me. What "the world", "others" expect of me...but as hard as it is sometimes, I'm choosing not to work with that (imaginary?) timeline. 

So bring on the YA novels and the ridiculous tv drama. I didn't really let myself have that all through college, and not even really in high school, or ever...so I'm making up for lost time. And let it also be known that I probably read more non-fiction than fiction. Just. In somewhat defense of this post...this post that has transformed into one of the weirdest posts ever. 

Womp#3

I guessed I kind of wished for a decision to be made for us, and it kind of was. Turns out that we would basically need cash for the renovations on that Victorian. And no, we don't have 50k sitting around in our bank account. I know, right? Who wouldn't have that? Pssh.
So it's the new house. I guess? I say that, now watch us lose that one too.

Its fun to dream of a house to make a home, but we're now on our fourth possible house. That's a lot of rearranged dreaming. My dreamer hurts. (boohoo, poor little me)

Oy Vey

How ungrateful can I get? I get so frustrated with terrible drivers, when Miles can't read my mind over the phone, when I have to spend my evenings away from aforementioned adorable awful mind-reader. How can I not see how incredible it is that I have the opportunity to make extra money whilst watching super adorable kids who cuddle and profess their "wuf" for me? When Miles and I even have the privilege to be in the process of possibly buying a house--even if it doesn't work out...? That Miles got the promotion we've been waiting months for? Thats right, he got his promotion and I don't ever mention it and I go straight into complaint mode. Talk about ungrateful. Oy vey.

I got home about 6 hours ago, still just as frustrated with the day/week as experienced in the previous post. And really trying to fight off a bitter mood. I knew there was nothing to be bitter about. But you know those moods? Just so over everything under the sun? And so hard to shake? 

I had planned with Miles to go out and have fun tonight, but the mere thought just sent a deep sigh of exhaustion through my whole body. I am a pretty introverted person. I feel quite drained around large (even medium sized) groups of people. And having already had such a weird week, going out was not what I desired. Then a sense of utter dread filled me at the thought of confessing to Miles and backing out.  I didn't want him to not go out just because of me, and I didn't want to be guilted in to going out. Lo and behold, I never even had to bring the subject up. Miles saw me cuddle up with my duvet promptly after dinner, and told me I could just stay home and he'd be back at a reasonable hour. Amazing! Top moments of wifery (? spell check does not recognize) gratitude thus far. So soon after he left, I walked to the nearest redbox and got 50/50. It just so happened that the nearest redbox was in a grocery store, so I also bought snackz.

It looks weird, I know. But its Ritz baked chips (crackers?), [my attempt at] roasted butternut squash (it was mushy), and San Pellegrino. And everything was delish. It was so hard to stop with the baked chips. I mean, yikesabee (name that awful[ly amazing] movie). 

I wanted to watch something that would make them tears flow. And I succeeded! 50/50 was better than I thought it would be. I mean, Seth Rogen? I love him, but not when I want to cry...

There was one point in the movie when Joseph Gordon-Levitt's character (who is 27 and has cancer) is so frustrated and has reached his emotional breaking point exclaims something like, "I just want this to be over"! And dang, that cut me deep.  Who am I to really complain about having to deal with closing (or not) on a house? But really. I am so blessed. I have an amazing husband of 7 months who already knows when his wife needs an evening at home alone. 'Nuff said. (I also cried for his character's mom who had to deal with a husband with Alzheimer's as well as her son with cancer)(cannot fathom)

All that being said, movies, even completely fictional ones, can be so wonderfully humbling. And I knew all I needed was a good cry. 

One Of Those Weeks...

Its been one of those long weeks, where I feel like every day should be Friday already. And for no specific reason, really. I just couldn't believe it every single day (until today) that it wasn't the end of the week yet. And now that its here, I feel a mixture of "what took you so long?" and "well it doesn't matter anyways since tomorrow Miles has to work and I have to babysit just like every other day of the week". If that last one counts as a feeling. Its more of a thought? I still feel quite strongly about it. To make the week feel longer, the internet has been out at my nanny baby's house, so I've used up most of my allotted... 3Gness way before our billing period is up. Of course the internet is back on now. The last hour of the work week.

I didn't mean to have such a negative post. This week has just felt so full. The nanny babe is pulling up on everything now, which makes me super nervous. So I'm nervous all the time now. And she finds it hilarious when I put her down for a nap. She will literally just sit in her crib and laugh for an hour until she realizes "wait, this isn't funny" and then she cries. She's figured out how to misuse her "I'm in pain!" cry for those moments. It took me a few days to figure out that she was faking it. She's also spitting up a lot. I think its because she moves around so much more and her belly can't deal. So I just follow her around and make sure she doesn't topple over, whilst also cleaning spit up...up. My days are lovely!

On the possible home front: we have two completely different estimates for the work that needs to be done on the house we want to buy, which means we need to get a third to see which price range is more realistic. I can't find any other companies to come out to the house until next Friday, when we were hoping to have everything done and negotiated by Wednesday at the latest. We either need closure, or we need to start packing. And we won't know which to focus on until we get the third estimate and begin negotiations. Miles and I have been working our butts off to have money for all that will come if we buy the house and for our trip to Chicago next weekend. So its been guitar working, nannying, retail and lots of on the side babysitting. All that equals very little time together. And when I'm a nanny for 50+ hours a week, babysitting is literally the last thing in the world  that I want to do. Is that mean to say? I'm married. I want to see my husband for more than an hour in between kiddo watching. Not that I don't adore all the little ones I watch, I really do. I just adore my husband more. And miss him. 

Still with the negativity!! I won't post again until I have something wonderful. Or at least silly.

Bored or Boring?

I can't tell if I am just generally bored during the days, or if I have, sadly, become boring...I think its a little bit of both? I have nothing in my life to plan right now. For a little while, I really struggled with that. I had planned our wedding for 15 months, planned my monthly/weekly/semesterly schedule for four years. Juggled multiple jobs, projects, papers, being with Miles, having friends to see, staying up late...And now I watch a baby almost ten hours a day, five days a week. Most of my friends have either moved or have schedules so different from my own that I haven't seen them since either graduation or the wedding. 

I can think about grad school, think about my next job, think about buying a house, think about having babies--but none of that is going to happen any time soon, so theres not much to be done about it. I'm really trying to focus on living in the present. Loving these first few years of being Miles' wife. I've heard from so many (ahem, older) couples that their happiest memories were from when they were poor newlyweds, trying to figure out how to be married, how to be adults...So I don't want to miss these days! I don't want to dream of our future and miss out on how we get there. But I feel like there could be a fine line between being content and being complacent. 

Reel it in, reel it in. I'll admit it, I love Coldplay. People hate on them. Yes, they're so huge, Miles sticks his nose up at them because they don't have guitar solos. But I can't always listen to rock n roll. And I can't help it if this would be my go-to music for any sort of existential experience. It just is, alright? And this song from their new album is so beautiful I could cry. And I feel like its just pour moi.

Slow it down, Bethany. (my mind, not my actions...as discussed throughout this entire post)

Also, that video box just seems so tiny...

Grad School?

Shmrad Schmool.

I have no idea what to do whenever my nanny gig ends, which could be any time this spring, summer, or another year away. What lovely certainty! I don't know if I should just try my hand at a real world job, or head back and snag another degree for my...degree belt. Because its a little empty right now with just a diploma and a BS in a mildly regretted major. But I'll tell you whats not empty, is our big ole bucket of student loans. To add to that bucket, or not add? Either way, there isn't a whole lot that I can do about it right now. Except for talk to Miles about it all the time. Sorry, boo. 

On another, completely unrelated note..how incredible are s'mores? How am I still surprised each fall season by how much I love them? I wish we had a yard to have a fire pit in. We would have s'mores every single night. One day....one day.

(Image from this website..honestly, I googled s'mores images. Mmmmmm)

Yeesh...

This week has been a tad bit trying with the nanny baby. Poor thing has a stopped up nose and can't sleep well because of it. Her naps have been all over the place and now that the week is almost over, I can feel it taking a toll on my brain. Apparently she sleeps just fine during the night, probably because she is not sleeping at all when I'm here during the day. Her frustrated cries officially give me frustrated headaches. 

I am in definite need of the weekend. Normally I'm pretty whatevs in my feelings toward "needing" a break. I'm just a nanny, I know this. But this weekend couldn't come sooner. Hallelujer. After spending an obscene amount of money on tires yesterday (and being told more work would have to eventually done on my piece of crap car), Miles trying to throw a "let buy a house when our lease is up" on me the other day, a two-year old baby eye poker on Tuesday and a sick little one all week, bring on the weekend.  And I'm not making any plans either. I found a Target gift card the other day and bought Bridesmaids with it and intend to watch it at least twice. We've also had Thor sitting in its unopened Netflix envelope for a few weeks. So couch potato weekend it is. I also need to psych myself up do start a Master Cleanse on Monday. I'm scared I'll starve. But I want to do it so bad!

Also, I would like a couch like this

To be a potato on. (Ikea, please come to Nashy)

Side confession: I am so tempted to purchase every single haunted house related Groupon that I get in my email. Miles, pleeeeeeaasseee go with me this year?

Last Name Game

So how long is it supposed to take for me to remember my last name has changed? I guess I haven't ever straight up forgotten that I have a new last name..but I keep having those weird gut moments when I have to say my full name and am required to pause before I give it. Even when my newly alliterated name leaves my lips, in the back of my head I think, "really?"

For months (possibly years, shh) I have ben dreaming of this last name that I now have...so what gives? I suffered mild separation anxiety after the wedding when I thought of no longer having my parent's and sibling's last name. So I made it my middle. Its not the absolute best full name, doesn't flow that well. My former last name, maiden, if you will, was something that could only ever be a last name..and here I am, turning it into a middle. So heres to still being part Gaskins and getting used to ending in Benefield. And farewell to my one true middle name, Grace. You will always remain in my heart.

P.s. Can you tell I have nothing at all to write about? But I am trying to stick with this blog. 

I had lunch with a good friend today and I moaned about being so boring all the time and how I play mommy all during the weekdays (and love it). But can't really have a mommy blog because this babe aint mine. You just wait...

Oh, Life

I obviously haven't posted very much lately. I spend my days watching a chunky, adorable, goofy, cheese-ball baby girl (happy five month birthday sweetthaaang). She has just discovered her toes as her new favorite thing to stick in her mouth and slobber all over. My phone is completely full of pictures of this baby, and hardly any of my own boo. Oops? He's still around. But this baby has been the cure for my own baby fever that I was afraid would take over after the wedding. Hurray!! (the long labor day weekend was rough...and I'm wondering how I will handle withdrawals over the holiday season) I've decided not to post pictures of the little one out of respect for her parents. I mean, if I can ever afford to have a nanny for my babes and blogging is still something at that point in time, I would hope they would do the same. But man oh man, is she too adorable. You would die. 

So my life revolving around this baby has been a drastic change from anything else I've ever known. I wear pretty much the same five outfits during the week (mostly leggings and baggy shirts), no make-up  whatsoever during the week (when I wouldn't have been caught dead without it 4 months ago). I take walks with the babe, but rarely take her out in public--its too dang hard! Her stroller is ginormous and I get nasty looks wherever I go with it (okay, just at a cramped Moe's during a busy lunch hour), her car seat leaves red pinch marks on my arm, I'm terrified of her crying, what if she poops out of her diaper? Its just not worth it.  So we sit at home or go to the park. I am still watching way too much television. Currently, I am completely mesmerized by Mel B's accent while watching her reality show. Its so...I can't....how to describe...?

I had my first ever pumpkin spiced latte today (thats another thing, I never take the babe to my fave local coffee shop because that means I have to get her out of the car...hello, drive-thru!) My experience with the pumpkin spiced latte was as follows:

First sip: oh my goodness, this is incredible.

Second sip: this is pretty good. why haven't I tried this before?

Third sip: wow...this is.....really sweet.

Fourth sip: sugar coma.
And that was the end of my first (and last fa-shooo) with the pumpkin spiced latte.

It was way too hard for me to focus for the 5 minute drive back to the babe's house. When we finally got there I had to shove a handful of Pringles in to my mouth to counter my sugar intake and continue on with my nanny duties. 

Speaking of nanny duties...the babe looks like she's overdue for a cuddle.

Lately

Miles and I have been pretty lazy about doing things lately, and when we do them we always forget to take pictures. My phone now has been overrun by adorable nanny baby pictures. This little bebe is so incredibly adorable and sweet, I'm sure if she could speak she would tell me to leave her alone 80% of the day. I will do anything to get her to smile (but its not really that hard, so presh), I will talk in an exceedingly high pitched voice for several minutes just to get her to coo along with me. Most of the time I wonder how I get paid for this...But then she'll have a diaper blow out or not want to go down for a nap (and want the whole world to hear about how she doesn't want to nap) and then I think to myself, "yes, I absolutely get paid for this". Then have to hold my breath to change the diaper or convince myself that I won't actually lose my mind if she doesn't immediately stop screaming. But I'd say thats only about 10% of my time with her. Maybe less? I lucked out. As far as jobs go. As far as jobs when you have no idea what to do with your life but still need to pay bills go.

Today was the first day since I began watching the baby that it stayed cool enough for us to be outside for a long period of time. I walked out of our apartment building this morning and thought I was going to cry it felt so incredible outside. I have finally realized/decided that fall is my absolute favorite season. I don't know why it took me so long to realize it. I guess I don't want to give any of the other seasons the shaft because I love little things about all of them. But fall has to win in my book. Fall brings relief (the sweet, glorious relief) from summer's sweltering heat, the trees turn colors and the colors take your breath away even if they're the same as last year's, there are corn mazes and haunted houses and Thanksgiving and cool breezes and tights to be worn and pumpkins to be picked and there is Christmas to be prepared for. That last bit, that has to be by far the best thing about fall--it carries us to the Christmas season! Bethany=obsessed with the Christmas season. Then there is winter and snow is fun for a while, then everything is cold and wet and salty (but Christmas is over, sooo....wompwomp) and spring is so beautiful and everything is in bloom, but then there are terrible storms everywhere and I worry all the time and then summer is fun when the pool is finally warm enough to swim in. But come August I'm over it.

I just love fall and I get butterflies in the morning when I walk out and the air is cool. That happened this morning and here it is, 9:00 at night and I am still in a good mood from that breeze.

I'm going to take that baby on so many walks.

Grunge Sponge

For the past three weeks I have been such a grunge sponge. What is a grunge sponge you may ask? Its basically a person (lets say...a nanny), who is still clean, but very lazy with their appearance. And sponge is the only word I could think of that rhymed to go along with it. I mean, for nine hours a day, five days a week, I am alone in a house with a baby. I have to wear something that I can be comfortable in sitting on the floor, bending over crib rails, swinging the babe on my hip....okay I guess I'm making up ridiculous reasons to wear basically the same clothes every day. Target leggings and flowy tops. And makeup? Why bother when literally no one else is going to see me all day? But right now I am missing a reason to look even remotely cute during the week. I've become such a grunge sponge that I'm afraid I'll forget how to put together an outfit that doesn't consist of leggings.  And summer is my least fave season because no matter what you wear, you're hot and sticky. Summer also makes me want to chop all my hair off again. How do these gorgeous girls with long flowy locks walk around with their hair down? I die. 

Lately I've been longing for fall weather. I love fall. The cool, crisp weather. The incredible colors. The freshness of the air when you walk outside. Being able to walk outside without having a heat stroke.

I know I'll miss the lovely walk from my apartment to my school but as soon as it cools down in Nashy I'm going to load up this baby in her stroller and spend our days in the park across the street. Then I can look fab in the park.

The other day I joined Pinterest and am still getting used to it. I'm not one to browse a million blogs and websites for inspiration. I find the five or so blogs whose owners do all that for me, but since all I have is time these days I am trying to break out of that shell. Here's to the glorious fall season, I'm eagerly awaiting your arrival (you too, winter, I still love you too).

from The Locals and The Sartorialist

Sorry, this was a terribly vain post. But if you could see what I look like every day, you would understand.

New Home!

Last weekend, I moved across my courtyard to what will be our first home together. I can wholeheartedly confess that  I thought I was going to die before I finished carrying the last box up the stairs on Sunday evening. It was completely exhausting, but I'm kind of amazed at how much we were able to move and get unpacked before I had a meltdown over how nothing was "in it's place". I am now resisting the urge to go out and buy everything I want to put "in it's place".

Last week was insane. My hard drive crashed on Monday night (right after I finished printing out all our invitations and address labels, thankfully) and I spent the rest of the week kind of in shock and slowly gathering back the pieces of my digital life. I had backed up a lot of my files to Miles' computer a few months ago when I needed to have a newer operating system to sync my stupid new iPhone to. At the time, I was livid to have to go through so much to sync one Apple product to another (with an "old" operating system), but now I am totally grateful that I had all my music and pictures backed up on his iMac, and most of my school work saved randomly on a flash drive.
On Friday night, as I was driving home, I must have ran over something in the road because when I parked my car I could hear the air coming out of my tire. Trying to sleep that night (the night before I had to move everything into a new apartment) was a joke knowing that I would wake up to a flat tire/foolishly hoping that somehow I had just been hearing things earlier and my tire would be fine. Alas, it was flat. Miles put my spare on and I was off to Sears to get a new tire. But of course the Sears I went to was the only Sears in the greater Nashville area that didn't have my tire (or anything close to it) in stock. Of COURSE! So I left it there to be fixed the next day after having the correct tire delivered and Miles picked up his highly fed up fiance and treated her to a large Chik-fil-a Diet Coke (fave)(only soft drink I really like..)(and only from chick-fil-a).

Blahblahblah, my stories are way too long. Always. Summary of everything else I was going to say:
Next week my momma is coming to town!!
We also have my great-grandmothers 100th birthday party & wedding (bridal?) shower next weekend.
All of my significantly sized school projects are all due on the same day, and that day was two weeks from yesterday. (Vom)

Aaaand here are a few pictures of Miles being handy, helpful and purposefully (and gloriously) awkward in the unpacking of all our stuff:

He is determined to find a place for his Great Wall of China canvas. Above the doorway and sideways will not be that place. 

Recognize that lovely table his foot is resting upon? It was our Goodwill steal of a record player that definitely works as we found out this weekend--just needs a new needle. So pretty much in this picture there is a large record player, with a smaller one on top. Efficient. 

This is the only semi-"done" section of the apartment thus far. I need a frame for that map, but I accidentally bought a map that is bigger than any frame I can seem to find. Didn't fully think that one through...

We finally bought a bed frame after a year and a half of the mattress and box spring sitting on the floor. We're growing up, y'all. We're adults with a bed frame! Well I am an adult with a bed frame (that needs her fiance to assemble it, please and thank you).

Miles almost convinced me to let him buy a new TV for the apartment. I was really close to letting him until he told me that money would be from savings, aka WEDDING MONEY. Boy must be crazy! So for now...I don't even think the huge boxy tv is even plugged in. And I don't really see any reason to plug it in. I just watch Parks & Recreation on Netflix anyways (jumped on that bandwagon kind of late...is there even a bandwagon to jump on for that?) 

Lalala THE END!

A Wee Story For Ya All...(actually, its kind of long)

Today was just not my day.
I woke up this morning and laid in my bed for about ten minutes trying to lift my heavy limbs out from underneath the covers. I had already hit the snooze on my alarm about 5 times and was definitely behind schedule. I began to get ready and of course I messed up my makeup (of course, only on the days I have no time to deal...) I tried to fix it with the ole q-tip and makeup remover but the makeup remover I had just purchased the day before that said "oil-free" was definitely not free of oil. So then my danged eyeliner wouldn't even go on after that!

Giving up on looking at all like I hadn't just rolled out of bed (even though I had...), I threw on my clothes, decided my bed hair (fluffy pillow-dried) had to do, and went to try and find comfort in nutella and toast for a quick breakfast to inhale as I headed to school. But noooooo, our dumb fridge decided to leak weird freezer water all over my bread*, leaving me with sog and nothing to toast. My roommate offered me one of her granola bars, such a sweet thang, my rooms.

I normally walk to my school since we only live a few blocks away, but this morning I had planned on driving so that I could head straight from my last class to a meeting without having to high tale it back to my car at the apartment to make it there on time. The thing about parking at my school...and apparently any university, is that you have to get there early to find a parking spot. And I was definitely running the opposite of early.

"Alas!" I said to myself, "I still have time to run and get an iced latte!", and normally that would have been true. But I had still not fully realized that today was just not my day. I briskly walked to the coffee shop next to the school, thinking that there wouldn't be a line at this time on a Tuesday because there is never a line this time on a Tuesday. You guessed it. There was a line. But by the time I got there I was so determined to have one thing my way (an iced latte) that I stubbornly waited for something that normally takes about 2 minutes to get on a Tuesday morning, but on this particular morning, took about 15.

I was completely late--not late to class--late to my professor's car, where he and my fellow classmates were waiting on me to head to a site visit. My lateness was making everyone else late. The slight incline of the campus, combined with my heavy bag, my sleepy body and my nutella-toastless tummy resulted in embarrassingly heavy breathing upon apologetically cramming into the aforementioned car.
Flash forward to me sitting in the board room of the site we visited, realizing that I had failed to put on deodorant in my rush to get ready**. Luckily the day was cool and I had multiple layers on. But now I would obsess over my armpits until I could get home to that stupid little clicky-bar-stick and ground it for taking a day off. A half-day. Bad, clicky-bar-stick, bad!


After my second class, I had a little while to go home, deodorize, and eat lunch--since I also hadn't had time to grab anything that morning. I went for the left-over greek, surely this would turn my day around. Delish, no? I pulled out the tupperware container before I had time to notice the little puddle of freezer water that had gathered on the top. But don't you worry, I had plenty of time to notice the freezer water when it was all down my leg and soaking into my cozy slippers. Cuss you, freezer water!! (Thankfully there was no freezer water actually inside the container, at least somebody was doing their job today--ahem, recycled turkey container...)

My last class consisted of a guest speaker who gave us a brief introduction (as in...just their name and job title), then sat down and asked us what questions we had for them....??? I thought to myself, of course you are today's guest. The meeting I mentioned went well--we just went over how I would be spending my spring break handing out pamphlets and event invitations in the legislative plaza downtown. Spring Break 2011!!.....

I picked up some groceries and decided to make a delicious dinner for my hard-working man who would be coming over shortly. At home, I opened up the ricotta in my fridge and almost LOST IT when I thought I saw freezer water in it, then I remembered it was just the whey. (right?) But just to make sure, I smelled it. Right after smelling it I realized the following:
1) I don't know what ricotta is supposed to smell like
2) I don't know what freezer water is supposed to smell like
But I had had enough of this "not being my day" business and resolved to used it anyways. When in doubt, eat the cheese....? Just in case it was freezer water, I decided to try and drain it out. BRILLIANT IDEA, BETHANY. I tipped the container over just a wee bit, holding the ricotta chunk back with a spoon then boom, ricotta ---> sink.
I'm sure I could have salvaged some of it...but come on, gross. Also, I was furious by this point. So then, ricotta ---> trash. I'll teach you for obeying the laws of gravity!!!




Annnnddd really that was the end of things sucking. I made dinner, it was fine, Miles eats anything anyways (except chicken....too bad all the recipes I've inherited/grown up with are for chicken). I'm so poor, my boy gave me some money :)) But really, from the wedding budget for things that I had bought (for the wedding). I think I've found the place we're going to go on our honeymoon--and we may book it soon! The thought of having that amount of money coming out of our savings makes me want to throw up though. I think Miles feels the same, though he wouldn't admit it. Only one of us gets to worry/freak out/get nervous. And I have dibs for life.
I also finished my convocation credits tonight! My roommate came with me to a wind ensemble concert and it was actually really amazing. But now that last convo credit that has been on my account for 2 years has been fulfilled and I am one step closer to graduating! To celebrate my finished convo requirements, the school even had fancy sparkling grape juice waiting for us after the event!! Maybe it was for the ensemble...and maybe the juice tasted really gross with my minty gum. But today is over. And tomorrow will be mine, ALL MINE.

*I don't eat loaves of bread (or any bready-type food for that matter) fast enough to prevent them from getting old and moldy, so I put them in le fridge and they keeep and keeeep and keep.
**Which just makes me feel like an awkward middle school girl again...