Takeback

And this is the post where I take all my whining back.

I've been slowly making my way through Anne Lamott's Traveling Mercies, and not so slowly falling in love with her writing and story telling all over again. With my whining and self pity still heavy on my mind last night, I curled up in bed with this book and read with my heart in my throat the whole time. 

You know those days where you really just want to feel sorry for yourself? That was my day yesterday.  I think I've been ignoring how exhausted I am, which has made everything else seem a lot more overwhelming than it normally would. Even though everything I was feeling was real and true, I gave it way too much power over my life and my mind. Anne talks about her "Bad Mind" kicking in and doing some pretty decent, self-inflicted damage---100% me, yesterday. And in one chapter, she talks about a man who worked for the Dalai Lama, speaking to an overwhelmed woman who sat by him on the train: 

"He said--gently--that they believe when a lot of things start going wrong all at once, it is to protect something big and lovely that is trying to get itself born"

Now I don't think that a lot of things were necessarily going wrong in my life, but sometimes it certainly feels like it--especially when I let it feel that way. Anne later talks about a particularly terrible day and how it was resolved, saying, 

"Back in the saddle again, I thought to myself, the story of my life. I still did not know what was trying to distract me so it could get itself born, but I felt happier than I had in a long time"

Heart in throat, tears brimming my eyes, Anne Lamott totally called me out. I really don't have all the answers, or everything planned out, or the best way to deal with stress in my life, or any idea what to do "next" in life...but I have had so many lovely things already born, and many more to come in my life.

Everything I complained about has a positive flip side and I just chose to ignore it, yesterday and on so many other occasions. I just love the raw honesty that I've encountered in Traveling Mercies, and how it plucked me out of the self pity party that I threw for myself yesterday. 

Just Some Thoughts

As I wait for Miles to come home from work on this beautiful Saturday, I find myself needing to express some thoughts. 

Dislikes:

-When I can't find what I want in used book stores

-When shipping costs more than the books on Amazon 

-Loving a novel, devouring each page, only to get to the end and be completely disappointed by it. 

-Finishing all the past seasons of Gossip Girl on Netflix, only to realize that the current season is too far in for me to watch on Hulu. 

-Admitting how much I like Gossip Girl.

Likes:

-Open-mouthed, slobbery baby kisses

-Having so much time to read (even crappily ended YA novels)

-Young Adult novels. No shame. 

-Texting my sister about books/tv shows

-How she totally plays along with my whining/pining/exclaiming from 500 miles away

Missing:

-School? Kind of. Mostly having something that needs to be done. A task, assignment, deadline. (Because I obviously need something better to do with my time when all I have to talk about is what I'm reading and/or watching)

-Going to a coffee shop to get said task/assignment finished. 

-Chuck and Blair.

It is painfully obvious to me (and probably you) that my life is really not hard at all. And these likes and dislikes are incredibly superficial and silly...but this is my life! When I thought about what I wanted to do immediately after graduation/wedding times, I wanted to chill, to simplify, to regroup. And dang, thats definitely what I've done. My life is really basic and bare bones right now. Half of me is really ok with it, and the other half feels like a slacker. But I really do feel like I am where I'm supposed to be right now. I know I'm not going to nanny it up for the rest of my life. I think the half that feels like a slacker is the half that still tries to do what I feel is expected of me. What "the world", "others" expect of me...but as hard as it is sometimes, I'm choosing not to work with that (imaginary?) timeline. 

So bring on the YA novels and the ridiculous tv drama. I didn't really let myself have that all through college, and not even really in high school, or ever...so I'm making up for lost time. And let it also be known that I probably read more non-fiction than fiction. Just. In somewhat defense of this post...this post that has transformed into one of the weirdest posts ever. 

Chi-Towwn

Such a fun, short weekend ending with a loonnngg trip home (delays, switched flights, airline customer service failures, an extra night in Chicago, crying in the airport like a big ole baby, late for one job, having to call out of another, complete exhaustion). But really, why has no one told me how wonderful Chicago is? Someone should give Miles and I jobs up there. Jobs that pay millions, preferably. That'd be reeeeal nice. I think I loved Chicago a teensy bit more because last week I stumbled across a History Channel documentary about bootleggers, rumrunners and prohibition...and Chi-town was obviously a very central part of all that. I can't wait to take Miles back up and explore with him! I'm glad both of my siblings now live there and I have a legit excuse to rack up some Southwest miles. 

Also, my momma bought all her children copies of The Help after we all loved the movie so much. And I am loving the book even more. Perfect summer read. I'm kind of disappointed in myself for not snatching up the book months ago when I saw it in Borders (oh Borders, how I miss thee!), long before I knew it was going to be a movie. 

Nerd Break

So this was my last spring break and how did I spend it? (One might ask..) How about only a few hours of wedding stuff...a few more hours getting lost on Capitol Hill earlier in the week, then the last four days or so almost completely holed up in my bed reading these:

Well...just the last two. I read The Hunger Games for a class maybe a month ago and couldn't wait for a chance to read the other two. Last week was my chance, and I certainly didn't miss it. I couldn't put them down! And when work or Miles (whom I do not equate with work) required my attention to be elsewhere--I'm ashamed to say I didn't fully carry out that requirement. All I could think of was what would happen next or when I could climb back into my nerd cave and get back to my book.

Only now that I have finished the trilogy, am I fully realizing how much I have been/still am geeking out over these books. One of my friends just finished Catching Fire and started Mockingjay today, so we are both obsessing together. But I think I may be taking mine a little too far. Pre-casting everyone in my head...missing these blasted characters when I really do have plenty of wonderful, real people in my life right now.

But I mean I guess thats a good book, right? Good books are just so good.

Dear family, friends, wedding and especially Miles--I'm sorry I've been totally AWOL the past few days. I am back! But maybe only to talk your ears off about these books....